To live or let die
by borderlinecrazy
Summary: The war is over, the recovery beginning. Sasuke is in prison, and Naruto his only chance of becoming free. Will he do it, or let his former friend die? Warning: Narusas YOAI! will be GRAPHIC later on. NC-17!
1. Prologue

A.N. – I'm an English native-speaker, who knows no Japanese, writing a fanfic in my language. I'm not going to disrespect that language by trying to fake it. So, unless it is necessary, I won't use any. Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

Prologue

"Wh-what?" Panic and shock distorted the normally effervescent face, twisting deep furrows into his forehead and disturbing his protector. Light flashed, reflecting haphazardly off the surface as it shifted, moved by conflicting emotions.

Sighing, Tsunade leaned forward, arms resting on her desk. "Look, brat" Naruto squawked at the nickname, but was ignored; "this isn't my first choice either. But, the Council isn't taking him back unless he marries."

"But, Sakura –"

"No, he won't marry a woman. Any woman."

"Waa?"

"He'd choose death first, he's said so himself, more than once. And you don't want him to die. Out of all the people in the village, and right now I'm including Sasuke himself – you want him to live the most. That's why I'm asking you this – marry Sasuke, and give up your chance of ever finding love and a forming a family of your own so he can live and be accepted back into the village, or refuse, and watch him be executed as a missing-nin." She paused, knowing it was cruel, what she was asking, crueler still, to put the choice to him as she did, but also knowing there really was no other options. The council had made its wishes quite clear on the subject of Sasuke Uchiha.

She also knew exactly why Sasuke refused; and after three months with Ibiki, truth serums, and her research (she stubbornly refused to acknowledge how much was actually done by Shizune and Kakashi) she was finally about to believe everything that Sasuke had shown her and the ANBU interrogators. She was still surprised that Sasuke had found a way to turn his tsukiyoni into a projection the entire room could see, but then again, he always ways labeled a genius and had far more surprising applications of his various jutsus than this.

Sasuke had been raped. Worse than that, it had happened more than once; and had started when he was only six years old – long before his clan had been killed. The most disgusting information she had found, though, even Sasuke himself did not know, nor could he, if she had any say in the matter… there was a very, very real chance that if Sasuke had never been touched, none of any of it would have ever even happened.

He was already broken, and nowhere near sane. That information he could never handle; the guilt would destroy any chance of returning the young man to any sort of sanity and kill any hopes of him having any happiness in his life. Silently, she cursed Danzo to a thousand hells, and had the young Uchiha currently in a cell below her not already done it; she knew she would kill him herself. Shisui had been investigating Itachi for the clan; his notes had proved Madara's claims of a clan revolt, irrevocably.

It was his diary, though, coded and locked by chakra to prevent village, and his own, secrets from getting out, that had been the final piece of evidence as to why… Danzo had ordered the village police office, which was investigating the assaults on Sasuke to close the case. And, in perhaps the worst failing of any Hokage in the history of the village, Sarutobi agreed and supported the decision. The Uchiha clan began to revolt against the rule of the council and current Hokage for truly justified reasons – the protection of innocent children, or more specifically, a child, Sasuke.

It was ironic; really, that the child that caused all of it to occur was completely unaware. Almost as ironic as the fact that his life, the one that inadvertently cost every other member of this clan their lives, was the one life Itachi could not let go. His was the one life he was willing to beg Danzo permission to save. Ironic, as the man giving that permission set in motion that destruction with his unwillingness to save that same child earlier. It was all very ironic, and oh so bitterly, poetically vile.

It was bad enough that it actually prompted Tsunade to give up alcohol.

Voluntarily.

Which, sitting here now, discussing the worst choices she could ever offer to the young man she loved like her own child, she was really regretting.

"But, why, Granny? Why did the council order such a thing? And, why would Sasuke chose death over marrying a girl, but not marrying a guy? I mean, I know Kakashi probably…. Oh, God, he's not like Kakashi, is he?" His eyes widened in sudden apprehension, and stuttering, "Nnot that there's anything wrong with that! ,,Um, I mean, um,,, we accepted Kakashi, ya know? And, um,"

Tsunade felt honor bound to interrupt at this point, before the poor boy dug himself any further. "The council wanted to bind Sasuke to the village so he would not leave again, and so he would not attempt to destroy it. They felt that if he had familial ties he would feel bound to protect those at least, seeing as how those bonds were the ones that had dictated the majority of his emotions and decisions over his rather violent life. As to whether he is like Kakashi or not, I honestly do not know. I do know nothing in that regard would be expected of you – I believe everyone is aware of where your attractions lie. Which reminds me – I've been recently given another complaint about spying on the women's baths. Quit teaching Konohamaru your bad habits!" This was accompanied by a fierce glare, and thump on the table.

"Ehh..hehe.." Naruto had the grace to look embarrassed, and ran his fingers through the back of his hair, the nervous gesture both familiar and calming to them both. Turning unexpectedly serious, he looked straight at the woman he had learned to love and respect, not that he'd ever admit to that, even in his own mind, as not only a leader, but as a mother-figure. "But, Granny, if he isn't, and you know I'm not, then why? I don't understand, doesn't he want to rebuild his clan? He can't do that if he's dead or if he's with a man, so why can't he accept a woman if he isn't gay?"

Damn. She had hoped she could get away without telling him this, she really had. And, if this had been the younger Naruto, the one from before saving the world more than once, before seeing so many loved ones die, well, maybe she would have. Before he'd been forced to mature, he'd had a short enough attention span the change of topic would have worked. He was still the same man, even if he had grown, though, and sometimes, the same tricks still worked. Of course, it was her cursed luck that the one time it really, really would be for the best if he could be distracted, he wasn't. And she'd been sober for three days now, so her temper and her head weren't their best, either. Stupid cursed luck.

Sighing deeply, and turning away, she very softly said, "He wouldn't want you to know this, Naruto. He only told me because he had no choice. But, with what I'm asking of you, maybe you should know. And maybe it will help you chose… but, I don't want you to decide solely off of this, nor should you pity him. Promise me that first, okay Naruto?"

She turned away from the windows, and once again looked into startling blue eyes, wishing there was an alternative, any alternative. "I, I promise, Granny."

Wincing at the disrespectful, though familiar and loving, term, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Willing herself strength to say what she had to, and silently swearing to prevent from saying what she did not absolutely have to, she opened her eyes again slowly, and with tension stiffening her posture, she spoke. "Sasuke was raped."

"What? Who would – was it when he was with Orochimaru? Damn that snake bastard! How could he have allowed such a thing?" His temper tantrum, while normal, was the one thing Tsunade could not let run rampant right now, otherwise she'd never get through this.

"No, he had nothing to do with it. It was here, women, some civilian and some shinobi, from here, in our village. That's why he cannot trust women, though before he left, I think Sakura might have been changing that opinion, she might have been the only woman since his mother's death Sasuke could trust. However, she destroyed any trust he might have had in her in their last battle. She came up to him weakened from his fight with Danzo, told him she loved him, and tried to put a kunai in his back. That, while admirable for a shinobi, is not exactly a good example of trust earning behavior for future romances."

Naruto was uncharacteristically silent. He, of course, remembered that day, and had his own issues with Sakura over her behavior. He had forgiven her, though; he understood. He saw how that would prevent Sasuke from trusting her again, though; and, again, he understood. He knew she wouldn't, and she would never accept that she had ruined her own chances with the darker haired man. But, the thing he really had a problem with understanding was how a shinobi of Sasuke's talents had been assaulted. Shouldn't he have been capable of fighting off almost any attacker, especially civilian ones? And, he had left at 13, how old was he when he'd been…. Oh, God…. How old?

"Tsunade," his voice was soft and oh, so very sad, "when was he raped?"

"He was 6 the first time. The official records of his assaults ended when the massacre occurred, but I believe that had the village police forced duties not been taken over by the shinobi, there would be a great deal more of them. I suspect it was still happening when he left."

The silence was deafening. Naruto desperately wanted to talk to someone about this, Iruka or Kakashi, and ask how he should handle this. He wanted to scream it wasn't true; bawling his disbelief to the heavens. He wanted to hit Sasuke for never telling him, for making it, yet again, impossible for him to save his friend. He wanted to curse Sakura for blowing her shot in such a spectacular way, and for damaging further the already destroyed man's soul. He wanted to comfort Sasuke, and he did not know how. And, with a wrath burning deep in his soul, like he not felt since standing before that fateful waterfall, he wanted very, very much to let Kyuubi loose on all the women who had dared to harm the once proud man. He wanted to be comforted, to cry, and let loose all his conflicting and confusing emotions and thoughts, all the things he could not, did not accept or understand. He wanted so, so much… and could none of it, because he had promised not to speak a word.

"Can I see him?" It was hesitant, that soft voice.

It hurt so much to deny it. "No. Until either the ceremony or his execution, he must remain in his cell, and only I and the ANBU may enter."

"I see. How long do I have to decide?" How long until he dies, or I have to sacrifice my life for him, was left unsaid.

"A week. That was all the council was willing to give." The old buzzards would not give on even that point, saying anything longer was offering the traitor unnecessary mercy, which they felt they had already given him mercy enough. She had used up her last favors available to use on him when she made them allow for a male spouse rather than execute him when he refuse a female one – even when she presented her proof as to his reason why. Too used to the same tactics and casual cruelties Danzo had so often employed, mercy was not something they well understood. Times were changing, and Tsunade prayed fervently the council would learn, but this time, they had failed her.

"I see." He nodded with a politeness and formality that was deeply contradictory to his nature, then turned and left without saying so much as one single word more.

There really was not right choice now, only desperate, hopeless options. That meant Tsunade couldn't hope her made the right choice; she settled for hoping this did not ruin the bright soul she loved and that whatever choice he made did not kill him. She knew that should he choose to let Sasuke die; the guilt could do just that. She also knew, living without love and hope as long as he had, and with the Uchiha unable to give anything Naruto might need, the hopelessness and despair in his future could also kill him. God, she needed a drink.


	2. Innocence lost, Wisdom found

A.N. – I'm an English native-speaker, who knows no Japanese, writing a fanfic in my language. I'm not going to disrespect that language by trying to fake it. So, unless it is necessary, I won't use any. Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad, bad language. Adult themes. NC-17!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

Innocence Lost, Wisdom Found

**Naruto's point of view!**

Naruto was a mess. His thoughts, his feelings…. He was, honestly, very profoundly confused. He was so confused; he walked into a pole, backed up, and walked into it again. The second time hitting an immobile object woke him up to the idea of paying attention to his surroundings.

_**I am not healing your nose if you walk into anything else! If you break it on your own, you should live with it!**_

_Hey! I thought we'd finally reached some sort of understanding, here… weren't you getting past that angry, hate-filled life? I thought we were becoming friends?_

_**Friends? Me? With you? **_Yes, Kyuubi also had issues with denial… or maybe he just enjoyed teasing his host, now that they were, indeed on better terms. _**Besides, what does the one have to do with the other. I'm just making sure you learn. If you keep up not paying attention, bad things will happen, and don't forget, if you die, I die. I DON'T want that to happen. So, you need to pay attention!**_

_Ummm… Okay, you have a point there…_

Looking around, he realized he was in the market place, in fact, just a few steps from his favorite ramen shop! Knowing he always thought better on a full stomach, he decided to stop in.

"Hi, Naruto! What can I get for you today?" Ayami was, as always, bright, cheerful, and smiling. She loved the village, her job, her customers (especially her favorite customer, Naruto, who reminded her of a little brother), and well, everything. She didn't really have any reasons to be anything BUT bright, cheerful, and smiling.

Naruto, on the other hand, frowned as soon as he saw her. _Some civilians too, Tsunade said… was Ayami one? No, she's too nice, she couldn't have. But, then again, whomever it was, to have not gotten caught, had to be good at pretending to be nice. If they looked evil, the bastard wouldn't have ever gone near them, and it was someone obvious, they'd have been easy to catch. But, still.. not Ayami, I can't believe that of her… but who?_

"Naruto? Are you okay?" Yanked harshly out of his reverie, he looked back at Ayami and smiled his sweet half-smile.

"Um, yeah, just a lot of stuff on my mind, ya know?" He paused and climbed onto his favorite stool, not wanting to make more of a scene than he already had. He did not want her to worry, after all. "How about a bowl of miso and a bowl of pork, both with extra eggs, to start?"

"Coming right up!" She turned to towards her dad, intent upon passing on the order to the chef, paused, then turned back. "And, Naruto, I know you're busy with all the repairs and with the new plans and everything, but, don't let it get to you. We have faith in you, you're the hero of the village, you know!" She beamed at him happily, and continued on her way.

- Time break- about a half hour later -

As he slurped up the juice from his last bowl of ramen, Naruto felt a hand on his shoulder. Glancing up, he was surprised to see Kakashi. "Yo!" The elder smiled, though it was, of course hidden by his mask, but, the impression of happiness was still there, shining in his one visible eye. It was obvious, of course, that Naruto was upset about something and with Sasuke in prison, it was barely a challenge to figure out what. The choices were: (1) he was afraid Sasuke would be condemned to death, (2)he was afraid Sakura would go back to chasing Sasuke and he would be left behind again *and after finally getting the jerk home, too!* (3) he was afraid Sasuke would break out and try to kill everyone (4) he was afraid Sasuke would run (5) Tsunade did something really stupid, and he knew about what happened to Sasuke. But, number five was such a long shot, only she'd bet on those odds. Oh crap….

He sat down next to Naruto, and noted the pile of bowls. It was nowhere near as tall as when Naruto was a genin, but still far more ramen than anyone else would ever eat in a single sitting. Some things never change; thank God.

Naruto shifted on the stool nervously. He really wasn't up for pointless conversations right now, but he couldn't exactly say so to his former instructor and current team leader. If he did, he would have to explain why, and that would involve talking about Sasuke's history, and he said he wouldn't.

_**No, you didn't.**_

_What?_

_**You promised not to pity him, nor to base your decision off of what happened. You didn't promise to keep it a secret.**_

_Re..Really? _He thought back to his earlier conversation. _You're right! _Happiness filled him at the sudden freedom, though it was just as swift to pass as it was to arrive. _But, even if I didn't promise, it still wouldn't be right. Granny said that he didn't want people knowing. He only told during an interrogation, under force. So, promise or no promise, if I told; I'd be betraying him and I can't do that._

Now, this while this inner-monologue was running, Kakashi ordered, and watched his favorite ex-student. He knew the signs of a talk with the demon, and, he could wait. Unfortunately, his order was delivered right as Naruto came out of it, and stood to pay.

"Naruto, sit for a while and talk with me." Kakashi wasn't about to let Naruto leave before he could find out if his fears were correct. If they were, he'd need to do some serious damage control. The frustration that passed over Naruto's usually boisterous features, though there only for a brief second before being replaced with his trademarked smile, did not go unnoticed by the copy-nin. Sighing, he really did not want to do this, "If you'll sit down and wait for me to finish so we can talk, I'll pay for both of our bowls."

"Kakashi sir, really?" This time, a genuine smile graced Naruto's face, and he sat back down pleased his wallet did not have to take a beating today. Now that he was passed his final growth spurt, and of course, no longer getting treated to routine vandalism, he tended to spend less on food and repairs. But, he was still every bit as much a spend-thrift as when he was younger, and appreciated his wallet staying stretched to nearly bursting much more than seeing it thin and empty.

Kakashi, on the other hand, was doing some very swift mental calculations on cost – lately, the only missions available were to help with repairs and restructuring the village, and those paid very little; when they paid anything at all. Ramen was inexpensive, but ten or twelve bowls adds up. He hoped Naruto didn't decide to take advantage and order more…

"Hey, Ayami!" ….. of course he would. Sighing, he looked down, and resigned himself to eating as quickly as possible.

- Another time flip- not too terribly much later-

Both men finally finished with their meals, Kakashi stood to pay. Naruto, nerves and fears remembered, shakily stood, moving slowly to delay the inevitable. But, you can only delay so much, and all too soon the masked man was leading him out of the stand and back into the street. "So, Naruto, shall we talk at my place, or yours?"

"What?" Naruto was, once again, startled back into the land of awareness, and out of the jumble of his confused thoughts and emotions.

"I suspect what we have to talk about needs to be someplace a bit more private than the street, Naruto, so where would you like to go?"

"Oh. Um… my apartment, I guess?"

Being the ninja they were, the trip was fast and silent. Naruto unlocked his door, letting the other male in first, and closing the door behind them, still without a word. "Would you like some tea while we talk, teacher?" He asked, politely, as they removed their shoes.

"No, thank you, Naruto, that's quite alright. Let's just sit, shall we?" He smiled encouragingly at his former pupil, gesturing for him to lead them to their seats.

Not too surprisingly, Naruto's apartment was tiny, and sparse. So, the only seating choices were the couch, which was far too intimate for a chat between the two, or the kitchen table. Naruto chose the table.

Once seated, both men were silent, not really sure how to begin, and in Naruto's case, not sure if he wanted to. After all, Kakashi was the one who wanted a conversation, but did not say what it was about, and the only thing Naruto wanted to talk about right now, he didn't think he could.

_Fuck! This is all so confusing!_

_**Hehehe….**_

_Damn fox!_

After a few moments of awkward silence, Kakashi sighed, "Naruto, I know you are upset about the situation with Sasuke. If you talk to me, I might be able to help you with your troubles."

"No, Kakashi sir, I don't think you can this time. This is something I have to work out on my own."

"You remember I used to be in ANBU before I was your teacher, right?" Naruto nodded; he did know, although he also tended to forget the fact. "Well, because of my sharingan, I was temporarily reinstated to limited duties – specifically, the interrogation and handling of one Sasuke Uchiha."

Now, the blue eyed blond looked at his mentor in wonder. _He already knows…_ "Then?"

"There are plenty of things I cannot tell you; you know all about village secrecy. Plus, there are things Sasuke himself might not feel comfortable having others discuss, especially in his absence. However, I can listen to any and all of your concerns, and any help I can offer, I will." His calm and collected attitude was reassuring, and Naruto was predispositioned to trust. It was a forgone conclusion to them both that Naruto would talk.

It was how he began that was the shock.

"Kakashi, does he want me to marry him, or am I just the slightly better than dying? Or, did Tsunade even tell him it would be me?"

Now, at this point, it was a very good thing Kakashi always wore a mask, and had a reputation for being nearly emotionless (when he wasn't being teasing and playful.) Otherwise, Naruto might have caught on to the fact that the silence stretching just a tad longer than was strictly normal was not him thinking of a good way to answer, but the completely immobilizing and thought destroying shock his question had wrought upon the copy-nin.

As the silence reached the awkward stage, Naruto began to fidget in his seat, uncomfortable. Kakashi was slowly coming out of it. "Naruto, I don't know how to answer that, I did not even know that marriage had been brought up at all. If Tsunade did discuss it with Sasuke, she must have done it for one of the meetings I was not present, which there were bloody few." He was, at this point, rather angry at being kept out of the loop on something *this* huge. How could he help rehabilitate his wayward student, should wayward student survive, if he did not have all the facts? Likewise, how could he help his special student adjust and survive the crap dealt because of said wayward student without the appropriate information? This was unacceptable!

Naruto was, well, saddened hearing this, although he was not entirely sure why. Something about how, yet again, he wasn't important to the Uchiha after all. "Oh." The quiet exclamation was all he managed.

"Why did she say he would need to marry you?" The hard edge in his voice went unnoticed.

"She said the council wanted him to have a family tie for the safety of the village, so he had to marry. And she said he wouldn't marry a woman because he was…." Here Naruto paused, not knowing how much Kakashi did, in fact, know, and still wanting, despite how unreasonable it was, to protect his friend. "He just wouldn't. So, it had to be a guy; she said the choice was mine, but, I'm not sure. I don't know if it is worth it, Teacher, worth what I would be giving up. But, if I say no, he'll die, and I can't let him die just because of my selfishness. He's my best friend, he's like a brother, I can't let him die when I can save him. What do I do?" The tears that Naruto had shed in the hospital following the failed battle at the Valley of the End were nothing on the tears shimmering, as yet unshed, in the bright blue eyes.

Kakashi felt an anger and bitterness nearly unrivaled at the situation his students had just been placed in. He also was filled with a great deal of self-loathing; if he had not been such a failure as a teacher, as a leader, his students would never have gone astray. He had not hated himself so badly since the first few years after Obito's death. He had hoped to never do so again; life, however, is not ever so kind.

"I… I can't answer that, Naruto. But, I can answer you anything else you want to know that I do, if it will help you make your decision. Right now, I'm not too sure how much help that will actually be," the bitterness in his tone as acidic, but still passed unnoticed, or at the very least, unremarked, "as it appears I don't know as much as I thought I did."

Naruto took a minute to make his choice. It wasn't as hard as he thought it was, really, like always, he chose to trust. "Kakashi, was Sasuke really raped?"

-cliffhanger! Gotta love it.-


	3. Reality is a Nightmare

A.N. – I'm an English native-speaker, who knows no Japanese, writing a fanfic in my language. I'm not going to disrespect that language by trying to fake it. So, unless it is necessary, I won't use any. Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad, bad language. Adult themes. Rape. Child molestation. NC-17! I'm very serious, if you have any doubts, a weak stomach, etc. – DO NOT READ.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

Reality is a Nightmare

**Narrator's Point of View!**

Even though he already knew, or at least suspected, that Tsunade might have told Naruto; hearing it, hearing that question, the one that rang like an accusation in his ears, it shattered his world. Almost as thoroughly as learning the answer to that question… _It's my fault! I should have seen, I should have done something, I was the adult and he was in my care, how could I not have protected him? It's my fault!_

The guilt, the pain, the anguish… Naruto didn't need to see anything more than the one eye to see them written all over his face. The softly whispered 'yes' torn from his mentor's soul was unnecessary for him to know the truth, even though it had been heard. His eyes closed tightly in shared agony; a pain neither fully understood nor knew what to do with. How can you share a burden that is not yours, if you do not even understand it? It was a question the bastard had once before forced into his mind, and he still did not have an answer, not really.

Eyes still squeezed tightly shut, and voice rough, as if speaking somehow scratched his throat, he asked, "Why? Why wasn't something done? Why didn't someone help him? Why didn't HE help himself? Why didn't he tell someone?" A tear forced its way past his eyelid, too small to roll down his cheek, it just sat there, at the edge of his eye, sparkling; the definition of the beauty of sorrow.

Kakashi wrapped his arms about himself, hiding his shaking; even if Naruto's eyes were closed and he could not see. He needed to be strong, could not show weakness, could not, would not…he was stronger than this! … but the trembling would not stop. "He…. He did say something. At first. His family was trying to deal with it. Naruto, Tsunade didn't believe at first… so she asked me and Shizune to help the ANBU collect proof. We did, God there was so much of it…"

His voice broke. He would not cry. He would not. "but…" deep breath in. _I must pull myself together, he needs me to be there for him so I can't fall apart now, I can't fail AGAIN. _"he was never helped. The people who hurt him were never punished – even though some of them were found."

_What?_ Eyes snapped open, taking in the extreme anguish of the man in front of him for the first time, but unable to process it, due to the powerful shock of the statement he just heard.

_**Hehehe … sounds like Uchiha was popular. **_

_The hell did you say, you bastard fox? _Naruto had not had such anger towards the nine-tails in a long time; forgiveness and pity having long since won out in his dealings with Kyuubi. But, this anger, they both felt it, and actually liking, even if he didn't admit it, being appreciated by his host; the fox was uneasy. He stayed silent, an eye open, and the end of one of his tails twitching anxiously within his cage.

"… drugs and jutsus.. all they saw was the Uchiha riches, and God, how could they miss the little boy?" Kakashi's voice no longer was just breaking, now it was ragged from the effort of holding back his tears, jagged edges and broken hiccupping tones ripping out each painful word, forced past his lips. Naruto realized in his anger with the fox, he had missed something; he suspected it could have been important.

"Kakashi, hold on, Kyu was talking, could you repeat that?"

A shudder ran through the masked man, and he took a deep breath, praying against all odds for calm, serenity. "What was the last before the fox?" Now Naruto could hear the pain, and the effort, and he realized just how much this was hurting his teacher, but, he needed to know, and there was no one else to tell him. It hurt him, too, to hear, to know someone he cared for so much had been hurting so much more than he had ever noticed, right in front of him, and he had never helped. He wondered, in a part of his mind so deep even Kyuubi could not hear, if this was why Sasuke was able to throw their friendship away so easily – because he had failed as a friend, long before the snake had ever slithered into their lives.

"You said some of them were found."

"Yes." The hate in that word, it was soft; almost indistinguishable from the pain, so much screaming guilt and pain, but the hate was there. And he heard it; knew Kakashi hated whomever it was that had touched the raven in his childhood. "The Uchiha clan was very insular; most clans are. Inbreeding is common in most clans, but the Uchihas tried to be careful, and did accept outsiders if they married into the clan. Though, it was rare. Fugaku was the clan chief, and Itachi was assumed to be his successor. Of course, his being a prodigy, well, that merely cemented it. He'd never be allowed to marry an outsider – but Sasuke… he had the same parents, same genetic source. He wasn't the prodigy, but he was bound to be something, and he wasn't the heir so they thought they might have a chance."

Oh yes, the anger was there. It radiated, like the visible aura from the fox's chakra when he went out of control. Naruto understood. He shared that anger. Profoundly.

"They didn't even wait until puberty; forget about age of consent!" Here his voice shook, but this time, not from holding back tears; it was rage. Fiery, scalding rage. His knuckles, holding onto his elbows, as his arms still wrapped about himself, were white, his grip bound to be leaving bruises.

"How?" The vessel's voice was soft, deceptively calm sounding. Inside, though, even the fox was furious, having finally tuned in seriously, and understanding this was a child being talked about. Even a tailed beast was above hurting an innocent child, especially that way. Well, above hurting them most of the time, when they weren't being forced to mindlessly attack… but, then that wasn't an issue of their choice, was it?

"They used drugs, some of the shinobi used forbidden jutsus, I think one or two might have been created especially for using on him, to force him… his body wasn't physically capable yet, and they needed it to be, if they wanted to get pregnant. And, they needed to get pregnant to force Fugaku." A bitter laugh ripped its way thru his chest, and past his nearly closed lips, "they forgot Fugaku was a police officer and clan leader. He could never have been forced; he would have killed any of them had they succeeded and actually came before him and tried!"

The fox adamantly agreed with this; death to those who harmed a child! Naruto was a hair's breath away from screaming his agreement as well.

"He never had a chance to say no. He didn't even understand what was happening the first few times; so he had to ask an older clansman about the strange, uneasy feelings he got when the older women did odd things to him. He wouldn't enroll in the academy and receive his rape awareness course for another year… how could he know?" It was bitterness and heartbreak in his tone, coloring the sarcastic words with a depth of emotion rarely shown by the usually happy-go-lucky jounin. Well, rarely, on a normal day; but all too frequent these past few weeks, especially today.

"How do you know?" His voice was harsh; not from doubt, no – there was no doubt. But, he had been told there was proof; he had to hear it, he had to know.

"I…we… he showed us; at first. That was when Tsunade brought me in; after he told them he could do that – use his eyes to show his life, answer their questions with his pure memories. Then, Tsunade needed to verify, it could have been a lie, a trick. It wasn't; we broke open the old police buildings, the records were there. After the massacre, there were only a handful of surviving police officers – all the others had been Uchiha, so they were dead. The office closed; shinobi took over. Shizune found a few backlogs in the office from the transfer, and an order to close the case."

He hissed; the old hag had lied to him! She said she didn't know; she said she suspected it was clear now she knew, and it was fact, not guessing. His anger now had a focus.

_In. Out. Calm. Calm. I can do this. I can._ Breathing deeply, Kakashi continued, "Three of the women were named in the reports; unfortunately during the many recent attacks… their dead. They will never see a trial, never be punished. Two other women were identified and named as suspects, but it wasn't proven conclusively in the reports. One is missing, the other dead. It is now impossible to ever know if they were guilty or not." Another deep breath, a long pause as he visibly braced himself, and his normal eye closed, as if his whole being rejected him saying what came next, and "but there were at least twelve other people involved, none of whom were ever described clearly enough, nor left enough traces on him, to even find a suspect." He did not even breathe after that. It was too horrible, he couldn't. The small voice he managed with his remaining air bit out, "and that's all before he was even 9 years old!"

_**You told me you would take away my hate. How is listening to this; knowing this; taking away my hate? I need to hurt them, rip them, rend them, KILL them, brat. How, without harming them, can I lose this hate?**_

_I… I don't know._ His voice, as he spoke to the fox, was broken. His spirit was broken. He knew what it was like to be hated, shunned, beaten and cursed. He knew, as a child, how close death could really be, how frightening mobs could be. But, even now, he was a virgin – even with all their hate, no one had wanted to touch the demon child. Now, he was the hero of the village, loved and admired, as he had always wanted. Even now, he could not understand, and a small part of him, a part that disgusted him, was glad he had never known and would never be forced to understand, this twisted and dark violation, the perversion of what should be the most sacred and most pure. He could never comprehend the harm visited upon the boy that the Uchiha had been.

"How long?"

"It never stopped."

"What?" There. That one word there, so innocently spilled from Naruto's lips, that was the accusation already swimming freely throughout his mind, running like blood down his wounded soul, and zipping with every impulse, every shock, down each and every nerve in his body. It was there; and he already knew. He had failed, much worse than he thought when Sasuke left, much earlier than when the snake appeared at the exams, and with much more far reaching (and that failure was far-reaching enough!) repercussions than the failure he had already known. His head bowed in shame, the first tears began to fall, silently, sliding past his eyes, rolling gown his face, with no sobs, no gasps, no vocal cries to alert the other anymore to his distress. He did not deserve any comfort; thus his former student would not, should not know.

-and it gets uglier from here. Honest. -flashback coming, with Sasuke's point-of-view!


	4. review responce with spoilers

Misaki – sorry, I wasn't able to reply to your review, so I will here. Also, I had to use Google translate on it, so I'm not entirely sure I completely understood everything, so if I did make a mistake, I apologize. I'm only bilingual, and my French is pathetic. Only in my English do I have any confidence.

Ok! So, I think you asked if Sasuke was to be tried, because he shouldn't be. You're right, and he's not. As a missing-nin, a trial is not an option; death is the automatic punishment. However, in my fic, he's being given a choice of an alternative punishment and a chance to redeem himself, mainly because Naruto has been pushing hard for it. But, he isn't exactly sane at this point, and he doesn't like some of the conditions, so he keeps saying "I'd rather die." And, at this point – he might just. (I'm so not giving away my plot!)

You brought up the over-protectiveness of the family, of which I am well aware. It's the weakness being taken advantage of as the first (and so far, only seen) part of the alternative punishment. You asked if the Leaf fails to offer a good candidate, if he'll be allowed someone from another village, such as Gaara. The answer is no; that would defeat the purpose of forcing him to be tied to the Leaf – instead he would be tied to that other village, and just as much a threat to the Leaf as he ever was. So, if he refuses their chosen candidate, he'll be put to death. Though, if it wouldn't mess with the plot so badly, I'd consider Gaara as an option – he'd accept Sasuke if only out of compassion; which would completely annoy Sasuke beyond all belief! (I like seeing him mad, don't you?)

As for your questions about the other tailed beasts and hosts; in my fic, Bee and the eight tails live, everyone else was already dead. Well, except Gaara, but he was resurrected without his beast. So, at the end of the day… they're dead. I'm not big on turning this into a zombie fic, either, so I'm leaving that completely alone. As to who won, well, the bad guys are dead, but so are a lot of the good guys, and in that sort of war… how is there any such a thing as a winner? The people who lived must now pick up the remains of their lives, and try to heal; and the Kages are all now trying to work together to prevent it from happening ever again. I suspect that's going to be much like the U.N. in reality – good in theory, bad in practice. The weakness in politics is that it is made up of human beings and we all fail. Politics just has a lot of people together working on huge and important things, so the failures tend to be a lot more spectacular, and have much greater effect. (Yes, I am a pessimist.)

Umm…. Your last question was if this was going to be a male pregnancy or not. Honestly, I haven't decided yet. I do know that currently the council would love to force Sasuke to have kids – it would give them a bigger safety net, and they are just that self-serving. I also know at this point Sasuke wants to die himself, so it is highly unlikely he'd want to bring anyone else into the world. (Suicidal parent… bad idea.) Naruto hasn't made a choice yet to save Sasuke or let him die, so I doubt he's thinking about any Uchiha babies. (Spoiler : I'm so not letting Sasuke die yet! Maybe later, but not yet.) If I do, I can guarantee it will be complicated, dangerous and angsty. Otherwise, it wouldn't be Sasuke!

As for everything else, (and a lot of this, actually) you'll be seeing it later! Enough spoilers!


	5. the lies they told

A.N. – I'm an English native-speaker, who knows no Japanese, writing a fanfic in my language. I'm not going to disrespect that language by trying to fake it. So, unless it is necessary, I won't use any. Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad, bad language. Adult themes. Rape. Child molestation. NC-17! I'm very serious, if you have any doubts, a weak stomach, etc. – DO NOT READ.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

The lies they told

**Still Narator's PoV (but soon to change)**

"It never stopped," Kakashi repeated, "because the investigation was order to stop. The village allowed it to happen." _And when I met him, I allowed it to continue because I failed him and didn't see. _

_NO! _That one word, loud, and elongated, was the only sound he was capable of hearing for what seemed like hours, but was probably only seconds. It tore through Naruto's mind, that violent rejection of all he was hearing, all he believed he knew, and all the lies in the past, and the truths uncovered in the end, like the ones he was hearing now. He could not hear anymore, know anymore. It was impossible. There was no way it was true; and no way it was a lie. He had to accept it, but every fiber of his being was denying it. It was impossible.

Now a sob finally broke through Kakashi's defenses; and he was crying, openly, even as he fought himself for control. "I failed him, I failed him, I should have saved him.." the whispered desperate calls of his guilt mingled with his tears, and his quiet cries; pleas for forgiveness he did not believe he deserved nor did he expect to receive.

Naruto sat stunned in silence. He had no idea how to handle Kakashi's apparent breakdown, or the feelings of guilt he seemed to bare. He only knew him as a teacher and as a team leader; seeing him as an equal, though he had been told to do so, had never been a strong point. Seeing him as human, frail and hurting was beyond him. It hurt Naruto; and though he pushed he knowledge aside, it told him there was far more to what happened than just what he had been told.

**-FLASHBACK!- Kakashi's point of view -**

The cell was dark, dripping and slightly moldy. Sasuke was in front of me, facing the other direction, chakra absorbing chains cuffed from his legs held him in place, matching ones forced his arms out from either side. He was posed, like an "X", and forced to endure, unable to move. I can't see his face, but Tsunade told me a variant of the Hyuga curse seal had been applied to him, sealing his eyes. He could no longer use them unless an ANBU trained in release was standing nearby, allowing him to. I'm certain that mark was one of the worst blows to his pride he had ever experienced. I was ashamed that I almost relished the blow; I actually thought he could use the lesson in humility and I was disappointed my position didn't allow me to see his face, wiped of his customary sneer.

I was also intrigued. Tsunade told me that he had implied he could use his genjutsu to show his memories and answer questions as if letting another live his life. I was behind him, unable to see his eyes, thus exempt from his jutsu. I'd use my eye to see what they were seeing thru their eyes, without being caught, so that I could free them if it was a trick, and Sasuke was trying to escape.

Uncovering my eye, my vision dramatically improved, and all the details I had missed became clear. Sasuke was not standing held in position by the chains; he was so weakened, he was simply being held by the chains, period. His wrists were bloody smears from the friction caused by his weight upon the cuffs. The tattered and dirty prison smock he wore only pretended to hide the lash marks across his back, and the broken bones from the battle had never been set.

I saw how he winced with ever inhale; smelled the infection and the blood, and knew he had a punctured lung and one of his wounds must have begun developing gangrene. He was suffering; and it would only be a few weeks, if not days, until he died painfully if he was not treated.

Attack needles, or rather the remains of attack needles, jutted out in a few places. They had broken off in him, instead of being removed.

I was ashamed of myself. He was my student once; and though the place had long been taken over by Naruto, once my favorite. How could I enjoy his suffering? I was disgusting.

Tsunade stood in front of him, her face unreadable, and flanked by masked ANBU. One stepped forward, and viciously jabbed a medical needle into Sasuke's shoulder, quickly pushing the plunger down, yanking the needle out, and stepping back. He callously disregarded the flinching, when stabbed, the jerking in pain over the drug, the outcry of pain as the needle was improperly removed, and the blood that ran from the wider-than-necessary wound. I was certain he used the wrong angle to remove the needle on purpose – I now knew how many attack needles came to be broken off lodged in Sasuke's weakened and pain filled body.

It was a combination of a powerful truth serum, and a few drugs designed to 'calm' prisoners, knocking them out without actually putting them to sleep. I understood the necessity, but I also did not approve of their application.

After waiting a few minutes to see if it kicked in yet, Tsunade spoke. "So, brat, do you want to tell me why you refused my offer the last time?" Her tone was scorning, mocking, and expression openly disdainful. It was all a part of the process; or so I kept telling myself.

"Why would I want to tell you anything?" Though obviously weak, probably dying, his voice had lost none of its richness, nor its arrogance. His condition was so bad he wasn't able to raise his head high and look her in the eyes as he spoke, but I could see muscles in his neck twitching, and his shoulders vibrating, the effort he put in to at least try.

She only snorted. "Look, you sniveling piece of shit, I am the Hokage! You will show me respect, and you will answer my questions or you will die!"

"I am ready to die." I was astounded; how had he come to this? When had the pride he was so famous for crumbled so far, he had given up on life?

"You will tell me! You will show me the respect I have earned!"

And as shocking and revolting as it was, the next statement clearly proved that the serum had begun working.

"No Kage I have ever been under has ever earned my respect, you least of all! The closest to earning my trust was Orochimaru, and he lied to me as well! And because he did, he died! I will never respect you, I will never trust you, and if you ask me to submit to a torture even he found too cruel to force upon me, I will forever chose death!" His voice, once nearly a whisper, got louder, and louder as he ranted; he was nearly screaming at the end, panting for breath.

"And what do you consider this torture I am demanding of you?" Her voice was deceptively calm, but I was certain inside she was more than furious.

"Rape."

Out of all the things I could have ever expected him to say, that had never crossed my mind, not even once. I was beyond shocked.

"Why do you think that is what I was asking?" Now her temper was starting to leak into her tone. Her hands were clinching into fists, and then relaxing, only to clinch again, as they hung at her sides. She was fighting the urge to hit him. I suspect her will to stay calm was losing.

"Because no woman has ever cared whither it was willing or not; nor are you an exception. If I do this, I will be lying with a woman you picked out against my will, to make a child I do not want, with the threat of violence or death hanging over me at every moment. How is that anything BUT rape?" His scorn only barely passed the rage in his tone, when he paused, his panting breaths labored from the lung puncture, and aggravated by his temper. Soon, he was continuing in a more even, controlled tone, one filled with more venom than I had ever heard leave his lips before, and he had threatened to kill me to my face once, not even a year passed! "The only promise Orochimaru made me and kept was the one to never allow that to happen to me again. It is also a promise I have made MYSELF when I left – never again. Ever. So, I chose DEATH."

_Again? Wait, he said again… he said AFTER HE LEFT, NEVER AGAIN… he was raped, here, in the Leaf before he left?_ My thoughts swam in chaos and disbelief. _Nonononono NO! I couldn't have failed him that badly, I couldn't have, it couldn't be true, my student couldn't have, I'd've seen signs, I'd've known, I'd've done something, I'd've STOPPED it!_

Her expression was still hard, but doubt shifted in her eyes slightly. She glanced at the ANBU that had injected him. A nod was all the acknowledgement she received but it was enough. The serum was active, he had just confirmed. Unless the boy was immune, he was telling the truth. She let out a gust of air, and relaxed her fists.

"You still think you can show us the answers to our questions using your jutsu?"

"Yes." It was unhesitating, absolute confidence. This was the Sasuke I knew.

She glanced at me, nodded, and I knew – it was coming. She gestured to the ANBU to her left, and he moved to hide his hands, preventing Sasuke from learning the release pattern, and concentrated. He flinched; he must be done. Yes, he was, his hands dropped back to his sides, and he was turning back to face Sasuke and me again.

"Then, begin Sasuke."

It was the order that changed my life.


	6. he never really wept

A.N. – Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad, bad language. Adult themes. **Rape. Child molestation.** NC-17! I'm very serious, if you have any doubts, a weak stomach, etc. – DO NOT READ. It is about to get GRAPHIC.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

He never really wept

**Flashback continues! Still Kakashi's point of view (changing very, very soon)**

He stiffened, fresh blood oozing around the cuffs at his wrists and his ankles. Shoulders shaking with the force of will used to overcome the lack of strength, his head finally raised, and he looked straight ahead. I saw the grease, dirt, and dried blood in his hair, the clumped mess bunching at his movement. I wish I could see his face, could hold him and tell him I was sorry, so sorry. I felt the change in the air; he had begun, I was sure. I focused on Tsunade's eyes, looking deep within, seeing the illusions she was watching reflected there.

And, suddenly, I could see it all; it was a bit faded, and I could still see the cell underneath, but the red and black world… I saw it. Like when Itachi had used it on me, there where thousands of images of people, actions, moving and screaming. Unlike then, none of them were the people in the illusion; and none were repeated.

I was curious, if I focused more, could I see more than just an impression? Could I see what they were seeing; learn what had happened? _I need to know; I have to help him, so I need to know!_ Resolved, I focused harder.

Oh, God… I was in.. Oh, God, save me from this hell….

**Flashback continues! Tsukiyoni PoV (Kakashi's and Sasuke's primarily, with some others blended in)**

The smell of sex, the pheromones, and the smell of fear, and sweat… it was so strong, too strong; especially for my sensitive nose. I had force myself to breathe through my mouth, dull my senses. The oppressive heat, and the sounds, the emotional and physical pain, the terror hit me all together; all at once.

_This is my life; my memories. _The taunting voice – Sasuke? _Is this what you wanted, Tsunade? Does it make you happy to see this, do you like being a voyeur? _A dark, bitter laughter filled the air. I had never heard Sasuke laugh before, but I knew it was his.

_If you like it, if this is your 'thing,' pick one out – focus on it; look closer – you'll feel every detail. I bet that's something you've never done before; a new kind of rape for you – mental. Now you can feel how I feel when some bitch forces me to enter her, when she…_ he broke off suddenly, and I was grateful. I did not want to hear that voice, feel that rage, tainted with hysteria, any further.

I looked around.

I saw the fan girls chasing him; nearly laughed out loud. This was a familiar sight, ever since the academy – they never left him alone; this was what he was complaining about? I felt relieved, relaxed my guard.

That was a mistake.

His emotions swamped me – and I suddenly knew for the first time the fear of the hunted. I had seen many life or death battles; I had seen war. Enemies had chased me, and several times I had believed, known, should they catch me I would die – and I was very close to being caught. This…. It was a fear greater than the fear of death. He was the prey; he knew it, and was terrified. I felt every touch upon his person, and his shuddering revulsion and resultant spike in terror at each one.

I forced my head to turn away, freeing myself of the memories.

That was a worse mistake.

_Oh, gods, make it stop, please_

I wasn't sure whose voice I heard, it must have been one of the ANBU, but, I felt/heard him vomiting, and though it was now very faint, almost invisible, I could see through the red world to him. He was bent over, retching. The acrid smell barely registered over all the other putrid odors assaulting my nose.

I was looking at a very young Sasuke this time. He was smiling – holy hell! He knew how to smile? He was talking to a village woman; I knew her, vaguely, she had a jewelry shop near the Yamanaka's flower shop. She was holding something out to him, I couldn't see what…

And then, it was as if I *was* Sasuke, standing in front of the pretty, smiling lady… living his life, feeling his trust and happiness; anticipating the… candy… she had offered him/me/us candy?

"Well? Want it or not?" She leaned closer, smiling, eyes closed in happiness, and I took it. It was small and pink – I don't like pink! But, maybe that meant it was cherry; cherry's nice. Plucking it out of her outstretched hand, I tossed it into my mouth, crunching and swallowing. There was a bitter after taste – was this supposed to be one of those sour sweets? I don't like those…

'Ummm Miss, " I squirmed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, hot… my tummy was twisting like I need to be sick, "I feel sick, can I use your bathroom?"

"Sure," She smiled and held out her hand once more, "Come with me." I took it, and she led me further inside the story, into the back…. I started to half-skip half-shake as I walked, now I felt like I needed to pee; there was a heaviness in my wee-wee, and I was even sicker than before, my tummy was really rolling now. _Oh, good – there's a door. I finally made it!_ The relief we were finally at the bathroom and that I made it before vomiting on the floor evaporated into confusion when she opened the door. This was a bedroom, not a bathroom.

"Wha.. Ma'am, is your bathroom through here? Cus, I really don't feel well, and I kinda gotta pee now too." She smiled.

"Sasuke, don't worry, I'll take good care of you, make it all feel better." The door closed, and she casually stroked my bottom through my pants. I was really sick, I'm getting worse! Now my legs are falling asleep, I feel the itchy spiders' crawl from when they fall asleep after sitting too long. But, I'm not sitting; it must be because I'm sick…

"Here, Sasuke – this is some medicine, it will help you feel better." I eyed the object in her hand – it looked just like the candy she'd given me earlier, but it was yellow, not pink. Did medicine look like candy? I was confused. "Take it, Sasuke." Eep! She sounds mad! Mom said I should always do what I'm told, so I hurriedly…..

Blackness… I had forced myself out of that memory finally…. And I was throwing up just as violently as the ANBU earlier.

This time, I had learned my lesson. I looked around, seeing hundreds, thousands of images. This was a nightmare, this was the true power of the tsukiyoni; a far more evil method of torture than anything Itachi could ever have dreamed up. Reality is far, far worse than any nightmare; though I knew this would be haunting mine for the rest of my life.

Some were fairly innocent; from the outside. I had learned my lesson with the fan girls, though – I knew that they were far from innocent from within. Others… seeing him drugged, jutsus performed on him, aphrodisiacs applied; even using acupuncture needles! And the women, the women – heads thrown back in ecstasy, writhing on top of him, over him; enjoying his whimpering, pleading, begging for them to stop, to let him go… seeing him bound and gagged..

Oh, Gods… was that the hospital? .. That was.. I know those wounds, those bandages! That was when he was in recovery after the fight with Haku, in the land… oh, Gods, even when we were on missions? Even his nurses?

And I was trapped in him once again.

My eyes were closed; I was laying on my stomach, medical tape holding bandages across my numbed back. I was trying to be as still as possible, the numbing did not extend very far, and every movement ripped more of the baby fine hairs on my back out as the tape stretched and pulled. My left arm hurt, I felt the tape and tubing running down, past my hand, the off to the side, where I assumed an I.V. stand was. The needle was digging into my elbow, throbbing.

I heard the door open behind me, good; I needed to know when I could leave. I had to get back to my team. Whoever it was; hopefully it was Kakashi; could tell me, could let me out. I needed to know if Naruto was safe.

"Hello!" Crap. It was a woman's voice; had to be a nurse. Well, still, if I was lucky I could still use her for information, then escape. I heard and felt her messing with the I.V. I must be getting a new bag, or something… dizzy… feel dizzy.. no, not again!

"Now, Sasuke, I'm going to turn you carefully, we don't want to rip those punctures open again, now do we? And, I'm going to help you sit up. Ok?" I barely registered her words, her touches, but the motion… so dizzy… a wave of nausea rolled over me, a familiar one.. no! not again! Not here, not now…no..

"Sasuke, I'm going to"

And I was free again, but this time, I didn't turn away, I watched, throat burning as I tried to empty an already empty stomach. The woman did not even bother to close the door to the room, and the hospital staff seemed impervious to her actions as she climbed onto his cramped hospital bed, using the railings to brace herself… holy hell, was that me walking in as she left, straightening her jacket? _How did I miss this? How could I have been such a failure as a teacher, a leader, and for Sasuke – substitute father-figure?_

I closed my eyes, feeling them tighten with pain, burning with tears I refused to allow to fall. I panted and gasped through my mouth, refusing to smell any more of those disgusting smells; scents normally described far more pleasurably, associated with acts far less evil. An hour, a second, who could tell time here? Something later, I regained enough composure to open my eyes again, calmly.

I saw Sakura holding a kunai to Sasuke, preparing to strike even as she whispered words of love in his ears. I saw that girl; Karen, I think her name was? From his team of missing-nin stalking him, and draping herself over him in a steaming bath house hot spring. I saw Shinobi wearing Leaf headbands pulling him into empty academy classrooms and…

I couldn't see anymore, couldn't take anymore, the falsely innocent, and the openly debauched. I forced my focus to only be on the cell, forced the illusion into the background. A pale, swirling red, hazily over-lapping the dismal grey that was this dripping, cold isolation cell where a man who had already suffered more in his life than I could comprehend was methodically being tortured to death.

I suddenly, deeply, hated everything about my life – about being a Shinobi.

_I think we get the idea, Sasuke. Release the jutsu, and the seal will be reactivated. This is enough for today./ " _I think we get the idea, Sasuke. Release the jutsu, and the seal will be reactivated. This is enough for today." I heard, like a weird and distorted version of an echo, Tsunade's voice, in the cell, and like a thought, vibrating from one end to the other (if there was such a thing) of the red world of the illusion.

His body jerked; an attempt at acknowledgement maybe? The red faded from sight. I covered my eye again, feeling the exhaustion – I had over-taxed myself with the use, and would need to sleep soon. Sasuke's back arched, his head thrown back, and his limbs jerking violently against the chains; blood once again being released as still more skin was shredded from his tender flesh by cold, harsh metal. The seal must have been reactivated. Sasuke now lay suspended from the chains, head lolling to the side; even from the back I knew he was unconscious.

I walked around him, seeing him front for the first time. A certainty I had never before experienced told me that this Sasuke; this broken, bleeding, bruised, dirty, and shamed, covered in filth, body littered with evidence of the cruelties of battle, and the greater cruelties of being captured… emaciated, with green and red markings twisting like some demented interpretation of vines across his forehead, and sweeping down to his eyes…. This would be the image that I would first recall whenever I thought of Sasuke for the rest of my life.

**End Flashback! Back to Naruto's apartment, NARUTO's PoV!**

I patted Kakashi on his shoulder, hesitantly, unsure what to do, how to comfort him. I did not want to know what he was experiencing; what was worse than what he had already told me. But, I needed to do something, and he needed to know he wasn't a failure as a teacher. It wasn't his fault.

Inspiration struck, and I quickly summoned a shadow clone, dispatching it before Kakashi could see what I had done.

- and another cliffhanger! - you know you love them!-


	7. Just a Man

A.N. – Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

I HAVE A POLL ON MY PROFILE ABOUT KAKASHI AND IRUKA. VOTE! IT WILL AFFECT THE PLOT!

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad, bad language. Adult themes. NC-17!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

Just a Man

**Clone's PoV**

"Iruka?"

I looked around, tapping a foot nervously. He wasn't answering no matter how much I knocked; he must be at the academy. I dashed off, as fast as my chakra-sped feet could take me. There were students, classes were clearly in session. He wasn't in any of the rooms; I dashed outside to the academy training grounds. Empty. Pristinely empty; clear even of abandoned kunai and shuriken, much less the odd student, or more importantly, teacher. Where was he? I was beginning to get frustrated.

Remembering he also sometimes worked at the tower as a scribe, logging reports in and out, filing scrolls, things like that, I started to head there. Then, I hesitated; I didn't really want to go there just yet. But, Kakashi needed me, needed help, steeling my resolve, once again I charged ahead at full speed.

I did not enter Tsunade's room at the top of the tower, but I searched every room, every level, in the tower besides that room. The frustration was getting to me, and running my hand down the back of my head, ruffling my hair just above my neck, I plotted where to go next. Home, work, other work… what else did Iruka do? Food! I dashed off to the ramen stand, but still full from Kakashi's meal, only poked my head in to look, and did not actually step in. He wasn't here either. Maybe groceries? He does cook sometimes…

Sighing, even though their attitudes had changed, sometimes I still had a hard time not anticipating being hurt and run out every time I entered a shop. It was with great reluctance I walked in the open-air shop, and not wanting to up turn any of the full carts, forced myself to hold down to a fast walk as I went up and down each aisle. I wanted to run! Snorting, I exited. Really, how hard was it to find one person in this village?

Back in the street, I turned back to my apartment, filled with disappointment, and ready to consult with my 'other.' Head down, I bumped into someone.

"Oof" Air whooshed out, making an odd sound at the impact. I backed up, brushed myself off, and looked at the poor guy I had just knocked down... "Iruka?"

He smiled sheepishly, standing up and dusting himself off. "You certainly know how to get attention as always, Naruto." His tone was a mix between teasing and lecturing. Warm. Reassuring. Everything I suddenly needed with desperation near panic. I leaped forward and grasped him, hugging onto him tightly, as if my life depended upon it.

"NaNaruto! What's going on?" He leaned back, looking at me sternly. But, I knew he enjoyed the hug just as much as I did; he didn't even try to break himself out of my arms, and even hugged back.

"Iruka sir," I paused, not sure what to tell him now that I found him, only that he would help, if I only asked. Just, what do I ask? Darn my weakness in critical thinking! I was getting better, Pervy-sage had been working with me on that before he died, and Kakashi… shit. I had forgotten about Kakashi!

Iruka waited patiently, not at all uncomfortable with the unexpected bit of affection from the young man he regarded almost like a younger brother, or perhaps even as a son, public or not. He loved the blond, and did not care who knew it! He knew that as soon as the man was ready, he would share what was on his mind.

I pulled back, finally, reluctantly ending the embrace. Looking down, and scuffing one foot in the dust, I started again, "Iruka sir, it's Kakashi teacher. We're talking in my apartment, and he started crying. I don't know how to comfort him, what to say… he thinks he's a failure as a teacher. You're a teacher, can you help him? Talk to him for me, please, Iruka sir?"

**Iruka's PoV**

I looked at the boy, weighing my options. I do not like telling him no, and I certainly do not like the idea of leaving someone hurting and in need of help alone to suffer, but. I was not sure that I could really be of any sort of use in this situation at all; I hardly knew the man. Our longest conversation had been our argument just before the disastrous chuunin exam, which I had admitted to being wrong about, and apologized for during, but that was before everything fell apart.

I had mixed emotions about both his choice to recommend his team with an obviously unstable member, and about my apology, as I now was not entirely sure I had been wrong after all. I don't know, nor can I even, if he had not made the recommendation that anything would be different. Orochimaru might have found another way so sink his fangs, literally and figuratively, into Sasuke. He also might not have; it might have been easier to protect him and put an end to his machinations without the surrounding chaos of the exams.

This meant, in addition to being unfamiliar with him as a person, I was not certain I could or did approve of his abilities as a teacher. I was hardly a good choice to offer him encouragement in that regard. I looked closely at the boy – the clone, he said he was still with Kakashi, so this must be a clone, right? "What exactly was the conversation about that set him off?"

His eyes darted left and right, looking for people that might overhear us, and leaned in, whispering, "He was telling me about Sasuke; about his interrogation."

_Oh shit_. Normally, I do not curse; I rarely even appreciate vulgarities in my presence, Naruto's practices aside. Sometimes, however, they are the only things that can be used. In my scribe duties for the tower, I had been writing up many of the reports from ANBU whom had participated and the stories were horrific. ANBU, the elite, the assassins, the coldest and deadliest of all our shinobi, had formed a rotation, unable to handle back-to-back sessions in that room. Several had been place on temporary relief from duties due to their distress; two had even gone so far as to request counseling. Shizune had arranged a therapist earlier this afternoon. If he had been a part of that, I could well understand him breaking down, especially with him having an emotional attachment to the person in question.

There was no way I could, in good conscience, refuse. Shoulders sagging, and sighing dejectedly, "Very well, let's go and cheer up your team leader."

**Clone's PoV**

Iruka was acting odd, and he didn't look happy. He must be pretty worried about Kakashi, too! Nodding to myself, I set off at a good pace, knowing Iruka was with me. All in all, even with dodging the odd villager, and distractions from other former rookie-9 members wanting my attention (I had to give quite a few 'next times,' 'maybe laters,' and 'I'm a bit busy right now, later okays') it still took no more than 20 minutes.

Even so, the moment I opened the door I was greeted to the sight of my own panicked face, and the familiar sight of the dispel hand signs.

**Naruto's PoV**

"What took so… oh. That's what." I scrunched my face up, disgruntled as the memories of my clone came back. Well, delays or no delays, Iruka was here now, and I was desperate! I hurriedly grabbed his arm, pulling him inside and all but dragging him to the table. The masked man was bent over, shaking, and his face in his hands. Thank all the multitudes of Gods in the Heavens; he had finally stopped sobbing and crying The odd comment about his being a failure, about how horrible he was, still slipped out every few minutes, and he did not answer me, or even respond when I called his name. I was seriously freaked out. The fox…. No help.

Iruka would know what to do! He had to save us!

He pulled himself out of my gripe, and cautiously approached the copy-nin, soft voice just above a whisper, "Kakashi, are you okay?"

"No." was groaned out. _Damn, Iruka's good. Less than two seconds and he's already got Kakashi to answer him!_

He put his hands on his hips, and frowning at the wreck of a man in front of him, he ordered, "Get up! Right now. This is ridiculous. You're coming with me, and we're going to talk about this, rationally, and you are not going to put your problems on someone depending upon you anymore!" Kakashi looked at him, blinking. "Come on, I am not telling you again. You're an adult! Act like it. Get up! You are coming with me, and not troubling Naruto anymore today. Understand me?"

Shame suffused his features, hidden and otherwise. He stood, a bit unsteadily, and moved to follow the scarred brunette. Iruka put out an arm, helping hold up Kakashi, leading him out as the older man leaned on him. I watched them go, amazed, worried, confused, grateful, and stunned.

Then I realized I still had my own problems, problems that had just gotten a little more confusing and difficult to understand, and had just watched the two people best able to help me walk out of my apartment. Crap. Drained, and not wanting to think anymore, I walked to my bed and fell across it. Changing, heck even pulling down the bedding to climb in – too much work. I closed my eyes, and, sapped by the emotional overload, fell asleep immediately.


	8. Can Anybody Hear

A.N. – Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

I HAVE A POLL ON MY PROFILE ABOUT KAKASHI AND IRUKA. VOTE! IT WILL AFFECT THE PLOT!

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad language. Adult themes. NC-17!

Oh, and review please. I've currently got 2 people that review regularly; so I'm only sure of 2 people wanting updates. I can't tell you how discouraging that is; I'd like to think more than 2 people want to read my work.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

Can anybody hear

**Naruto's PoV**

I woke, light streaming in, dust sparkling and dancing in the bright beams. It was pretty twinkling like glitter, in an unsanitary need to clean the place kind of way. It was late afternoon; my nap had lasted longer than I expected. Stretching and yawning, I slowly eased myself up and out of bed. _Because of you, bastard, I am afraid. _

_**That's true.**_

_Whaaa..?_

_**You're afraid. Afraid to lose him after you fought so hard to bring him back. You are afraid to lose yourself; to sacrifice yourself for someone who will not even care, who will not let you in. You ARE afraid. **_

_**That's the problem. You are too scared to make a choice, and that is not like you. You jump in, without thinking. You never doubt, never fear, and never back down.**_

_**So, now that you have something to fear, you can't handle it. That is where I can help.**_

Suspicious, as better relationship or not, it was a cold day in a fiery pit before the fox OFFERED his assistance. He even took a nap while battling Madara! Eyes narrowing, _What do you mean?_

_**Well, I can help you think critically, logically. Making lists, that sort of thing…. You know, not your strong suit, but so very much mine.**_

_Lists?_

_**Yes, lists. Pros, cons; ever heard of them?**_

_Huh?_

The fox once again cursed the blond's thrice damned father for trapping him in such a blasted idiot for a container. _**Okay, let me make this simpler… I want to help you figure out your own feelings. Get out a blank scroll, and a pen. Okay?**_

_This isn't a trick?_

Tails twitching in annoyance, and glaring, Kyuubi snapped, _**What would I gain from tricking you on such a thing? If you make a choice you can't live with, out of stupidity; who knows what idiotic thing you might do! So, you have to make the right choice for you, not me, not the village, not anyone but YOU – because both are bad, but chose wrong… I've already told you, I am not going to die in you, Brat! Stop making me worry!**_

Shrugging my shoulders, I decided for now, to just go with it. We had seven days to decide, and panicking over it was not going to help anyone. Plus, other than taunt and annoy me, there really wasn't anything the fuzzball could do at this point. Yeah, he might prefer Sasuke's death, what with the whole hating the Sharingan thing, but he also had helped when I tried to bring him back, and had gotten upset at hearing from Kakashi about his past. So, Kyu might be just as conflicted as I am; this could be good for the both of us.

_So, what all do I need?_

_**Got the scroll and pen?**_

_Yeah._

_**Unroll it completely.**_

_Okay._

_**Now, divide it into three equal sized sections by drawing two lines down it with your ink.**_

_Why three sections?_

_**You'll see. Just tell me when you're done.**_

_I was done when I asked._

_**Oh.**_ There was a moment of silence, which the blond took, correctly, for embarrassment, causing him to grin.

_**Okay, now I want you in the section furthest from the end to start writing down everything bad about if you let the Uchiha die. **_Again he paused, laying his head down, collecting his thoughts. _**Tell me when you're done.**_

The wait was too short for him to get his intended nap in.

_I guess the next section is the bad stuff about saving him?_

_**You catch on quick, kid.**_ He didn't bother lift his head, he might get that nap in yet!

_Okay, so I still don't know what to do with the third section._

_**Start with dividing it into a top and bottom section.**_

_Why didn't I just start with four sections, if that's what you wanted?_

_**Because you probably needed the room for the other two sections.**_

_Oh._

_Awkward._

_**Yes, oh master of the obvious.**_

_Hey! Have you been taking lessons from that bastard? Cus ya know, it's annoying enough when he insults me!_

_**No, but I do have to agree with him on how funny your reactions to being teased are. Ready?**_

_Yes._ His tone was now a bit sullen.

_**Okay, in the top section, I want you to write down everything good about letting evil eyes die; without repeating anything in either previous list. Then, in the bottom, write everything good about saving him; again no repeats. Wake me when you're finished.**_

He really shouldn't have left himself open like that; of course the brat just had to finish RIGHT as he finally started to drift off.

_Why're you sleeping so much anyways?_

_**Remember when I slept during battle?**_

_Yeah, how could I forget, you could've been more help ya know! _His tone was clearly disgruntled.

_**I stopped using any of your chakra, and you used more of mine than ever before. I was exhausted. If I had not slept; you would've had to stop and we would have died. It was the only way we could win.**_

_Oh.  
>Well, why're you sleeping so much no; I'm not using any of your chakra now.<em>

_**I'm teaching you, idiot. Now, that was one type of exhaustion. This is another. You slept recently did you not?**_

_Yeah, I was too upset. Normally, I'd be punching through the trees in the forest of despair, full of energy to burn to work out my feelings, but this time, I don't know, I was just tired._

_**That is the other type of exhaustion. And I learned and felt everything you did. But, because we were both uneasy, while you slept, I could not – I was too on edge to leave us both with our guards down at the same time. So, now that you are awake, I need my rest.**_

_Oh.  
>I'm sorry.<em>

_**It's nothing. Now, are you ready for the final part? Because this one should take you long enough for me to get a decent rest.**_

_There's more?_

_**Have you made your choice yet?**_

_No._

_**Is it any clearer?**_

_No._

_**Wasn't this to make it clearer?**_

_Yes._

_**There's more.**___

Sighing, _Okay._

_**Get another scroll, smaller than this one, and divide the same lines.**_

_Okay._

_**Now, you are going to go and find someone you trust that knows what is going on – please don't upset them this time, and ask them questions about everything you wrote down. You will write down their responses in the spot that corresponds to your questions.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**I mean some of your hopes AND some of your fears may be wrong. Thus, asking someone wiser and more informed might just help clear up your confusion. You might even ask several someones; including that Hokage of yours. She seems to have the most information.**_

_She lied to us about him already._

_**She was trying to tone down the severity, protecting you and the Uchiha. **_

_You're probably right, but that doesn't mean I have to like it._

_**I don't care. Now shut up; I'm going to sleep.**_

I looked at the scrolls for a bit, waiting for the ink to dry, and then rolled them up. I refilled the ink in his pen, and put the rest of the ink away. I put the scrolls and pins in a pouch on my belt, and stood. I knew exactly who I was going to talk to first; I just wasn't sure exactly how I am going to do this without giving anything away.

**-time shift-late afternoon-Narrator's PoV-**

To keep what he was doing under wraps, he used some of the planning skills developed during his pranking stage – and he was treating it almost like a prank. He was asking a lot of questions, telling them he was getting a public opinion survey for Tsunade to help her with her decision about Sasuke's punishment. Ichiraku, Chouji's family's barbeque place, the odd sweet and pastry stands, and one or two other restaurants were his destinations for the first part of his 'survey'. Places people gathered to eat were bound to have the most crowds so he could get as much information as possible.

He had broken into his emergence funds stash, too, so he could do this.

"Hey, guys!" He started at Ichiraku's, for obvious reasons, and already things were looking good. It wasn't a normal eating time, but Sai, Sakura, and Karen were here. Karen was on a sort of house arrest probation, and as she had great potential as a medical-nin, she spent most of her time under Sakura's charge. Surprisingly, the redhead had learned to respect and admire the pink; although the reverse could not be said, and the two argued almost as often and loudly and Sakura and Ino. Naruto wondered sometimes if girls were incapable of nice and quiet friendships.

Part of the repairs and restructuring, an addition had been set in the back, giving actual tables for some privacy and additional seating. The original barstools and stand form was kept exactly as it was. Ayami said the addition was to handle the boom in business when all the workers came off their shifts, hungry and wanting a quick, hot meal. Smiling, he gestured for his friends to join him in the back, getting a table for them. He knew Sakura would let Ayami know so their orders would go to the right place.

"So, what's up, short stuff?" Karen had taken to calling him short, even though he towered over her by almost a full six inches. Sai was responsible for that; he had explained his theory of nicknames… at least she wasn't calling him the same one Sai still refused to change.

"Guys, you know how I'm trying to get Sasuke out? Well, Granny wants to know what people think about a few things, so I thought I'd help by asking around… mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure! I'd be happy to help!" Sakura hoped she wasn't going to regret this; she loved Naruto like a brother, and did not want to see him hurt anymore. But, this was a lose-lose as far as she could see, and he was bound to be hurt. She still loved Sasuke, too, but she also hated him; for hurting everyone, especially Naruto, for leaving… and she was a realist. She knew he was evil, he couldn't be saved.

"Yeah, I have no problems telling you what I think. Just don't hold it against me if you don't like it, shorty. I am hoping you fail." Her bitter tone completely undisguised, Karen pushed her glasses up her nose, and glanced away. She had not yet entirely forgiven Sasuke for what had occurred during the battle with Danzo.

Sai just looked on, impassive.

"Okay, well since you guys are helping me out, dinner is on me!" This was why he had broken into his fund; he was sure with free food, they'd be more willing to open up and might enjoy the time together; more hanging out than being grilled.

He was right. Smiles and cheers abounded all around.

And a few hours later, the sun was setting, his wallet was thinner, and the smaller scroll filled with plenty of scribbles. It was closer to a normal meal time, and knowing he'd be hitting several eateries, he'd purposely eaten lightly… time for barbeque…

Chouji, Shikamaru, Ino, and Temari were already at one table. He walked up, hoping he wasn't intruding on a date… he did know what two couples sitting together meant; he wasn't an total idiot, no matter how many people called him one. Just a little socially retarded; but not nearly as much as some people he knew (*cough* Sai *cough*). But, everyone seemed welcoming, and with the general lack of funds; his wallet was much more welcome. It hardly took any effort at all to score an invitation to join them, and even less to wheedle them into agreeing to talk.

As with his previous conversation, he did actually learn some things, and get some surprises. Not all of his friends were okay with the idea of welcoming Sasuke back; he'd already known that, but even the ones against it were more open that he'd expected. And, there were more people who would, or at least they told him they would, mourn him than he had ever expected.

But it was the other things he learned that surprised him the most…. And he hadn't even finished talking to the rest of his peers… He was not, he had already decided, going to ask anything from ANY civilians of the older generation. Mainly because if they were women, he would never trust anything they said, as they could easily be one of the women whom had hurt Sasuke; he had no way of knowing who. And, the men…. They were probably the same people whom had beaten and vandalized him when he was younger; their opinions on him may have changed, but their tendencies toward discrimination were already demonstrated. If they wanted Sasuke, that was great. If not, well, he'd already changed their opinions once, he could do it again.

But, the younger ones, like Konohamaru and his friends, he wanted to talk to them. And, the older Shinobi he trusted like his teachers, and possibly Tsunade and Shizune, well, he needed to talk to them, too. He might even talk to Ibiki, although that man made his skin crawl. Weirdly, when they met in the chuunin exam, he'd apparently really impressed the dangerous ninja, so he actually liked Naruto, and enjoyed any chance to spend time together. Not that they actually talked much when they did get together; he was a master interrogator and the official anti-interrogation instructor for the village. It was a point of pride, or maybe just a force of well ingrained habit, to not give out anything easily. It took work to get him to open up.

But, Naruto had learned one of his secrets, one that made tracking him down to get information a bit easier. And, since the sun was setting, it was the perfect time – saying his goodbyes to his friends, he headed to the sweet stand.

Ibiki was the secret source of the sweets Genma was always chewing on. Even Genma didn't know where they came from; it was an accident that Naruto had found out, but now that he knew, he used it whenever he needed to, which wasn't often. He also knew that this was the time, as there would be almost no one else around at the treat stand, the overly scarred gentleman would be buying his illicit presents.

So, that's where he headed… knowing when he found him, he'd have to agree to a private meeting, and lying about a survey would get him squat. He was going to have to come clean; he might even have to share all his notes. He really wasn't looking forward to that, but then again, it might be better to do that now, rather than later on when he had more notes to reveal.

Just like he thought – there he was!

**-cliffhanger- Ibiki's next chapter!- curious about his notes yet?- keep guessing!-**


	9. Hostage to all his Hopes and Fears

A.N. – Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

I HAVE A POLL ON MY PROFILE ABOUT KAKASHI AND IRUKA. VOTE! IT WILL AFFECT THE PLOT!

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad language. Adult themes. NC-17!

Oh, and _**review please**_. I've currently got 2 people that review regularly; so I'm only sure of 2 people wanting updates. I can't tell you how discouraging that is; **I'd like to think more than 2 people want to read my work.**

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

Hostage to all his Hopes and Fears

**Ibiki's PoV**

I sipped my tea, looking down at the spunky young man seated in front of me. I wasn't surprised he came to me about this; I had been expecting it. _He's ambitious, and smarter than a lot of people give him credit for. He'll make his goal of Hokage soon or later, and that doesn't require the smartest or the best jutsu user; it requires the best administrator. You have to be able to use your resources. In that respect, Shikamaru would also make a good Hokage, but this kid has the ambition and drive; he doesn't, which means he'll just be another tool to be used, and this kid's smart enough to do it._ I smiled to myself, knowing full well, he couldn't see it, and my silence was starting to unnerve him.

_Yeah, he'll make a great Hokage. He's already using his tools wisely, without most of them even knowing. He gave me too much leverage, especially since he already has leverage on me, but he's still learning. I'm not your average tool, and he's not sure how to use me yet. But, he's learning, this is good._

_I'll help him; see how he grows._ Smiling outwardly now, I straightened up, and set my cup down. I made no move to sit, though I wasn't leaning on the wall anymore. "Okay, I'll help you out. But, we're going to do this my way, kid. Got that?" I crossed my arms, and waited for an answer.

"Okay."

_This kid has more to learn than I thought, he should have at least asked what my way was before agreeing, and possibly tried to negotiate!_ I shook my head in disbelief. _Thank God being an interrogator is not a requirement for Hokage; he'd never make it_.

"So, this is how it's gonna go: I'm going to tell you a few things, like stuff I learned, what other things he'll be required upon his release, then, I'll look at your notes. Then, I'll respond to them. Sound good?"

"Fine." His eyes were eager, anticipation singing in the air around him. I sighed, grabbed the chair across from him, and sat down. _I shouldn't have brought the kid to my house; I hate doing these things here. It's bringing work home. Oh well, too late now. Might as well get started._

"Well, I think I'll start with the most obvious; if he gets out, the boy's going to need some serious help. His mental state's so bad, he's put some of my boys in counseling, so that's something I'm insisting on, not the council."

"What?"

"The Sasuke's insane, so he's going to have to get therapy. Do I need to explain it another way?" _Okay, maybe he is as dumb as they say. How can you miss it, the kid's totally bat shit crazy, has been for years._

"Well, he does have a few problems..." The blue eyed young man transferred his gaze to an empty chair uneasily. I snorted.

"A few? I think you're reversing the mountain/mole hill saying, here, kid. But, discussing all his mental problems will take longer than I want to give you so I'll just give you this." I dug around in one of my vest pockets; I know I have that piece of paper somewhere… there! "This is the notes the shrink I talked to about him gave me about a potential initial evaluation. If you agree, one of your jobs will be making sure he goes to his appointments, and works on these issues. So, you'll need to familiarize yourself with it. You might even want to sit in on some of the sessions, but I'm not sure about that. His information's at the bottom, so you can contact him and ask about that or about anything on that paper."

I leaned back in my chair, watching. He gave it a cursory glance, before folding it and pocketing it. Good, he wasn't going to waste my time and read it now; he was going to read it later like I wanted.

"You two will have to live together, obviously, and your apartment won't cut it. The Uchiha district is trashed, and it isn't going to be rebuilt on the village's dime. And, he doesn't want it to be, so he won't fork over his dough either." _Cue the shriek of shock in three…two…_

"WHAT?"

"His perceptions of family, especially his family, have changed rather drastically as result of learning the truth about Itachi, being told about the Senju/Uchiha rivalries, seeing Madara's selfish evils, and being betrayed and lied to by his own blood over and over again. I think the manipulation of Uchiha eyes by Danzo during their fight might also have played a part. Anyway, he doesn't have many positive associations with his bloodline anymore. Home is no longer where his heart is."

He blinked. And blinked again. The confusion was cute, sort of.

"Then why," he asked me slowly, making sure he understood completely, "is he being forced to marry at all? If family no longer binds him, how would that matter?"

I smiled; he was catching on. Now that I was certain I had his attention, and that he would really listen and learn what I was saying, I was ready to drop my bomb shell on him.

"The council is full of self-righteous hidebound fools that will not listen to anything that does not match their own preconceptions. This fact is being applied to everything about his imprisonment, his torture, and should you save him, his punishment. They have no interest in rehabilitating him; so they do not care and did not listen to any of the changes in his mental state. They do not believe he can be reformed, but they do see how he can be used. And they want to use him. So, much of what they plan if he gets out will be designed to break him into being a good little puppet for them. They don't understand, nor do they care, that he has already been a puppet all his short little life. He can't be broken; he already is. Now he needs someone to pick up the pieces."

_This is fun! I don't get to explain very often. I can make all the assessments off the intelligence I gather I want, but I so rarely get to share them; everyone wants just the facts, not the conclusions or reasons behind them. Maybe I should teach more; then I could experience this more often… na. It'd interfere with my regular work and I don't have a replacement for that yet. Damn Danzo for moving Sai before he died… that kid would've been ideal for me to train, now he's just a normal shinobi sent on normal missions. What a shame!_

"So, even if he marries me, it would be completely meaningless?"

"Hmm, not completely meaningless, no. It would mean his LIFE, and his freedom. Most people would take those to be pretty major things. But, he probably would not feel romantically or familially tied to you, either."

He seemed to take a minute to digest this; he needed that. I was not pushing him to hurry, or to pick on side or the other. Not my place. When looked back at me, eyes no longer flickering side to side in confusion, I knew he was ready.

"But, he does feel some sort of positive tie or bond; some twisted version of trust. He trusts YOU. Implicitly. I've never seen such deep trust; ever. When he used that eye crap on us, we felt his emotions, too, ya know? You're like some sort of God or something; it's really weird." I paused, thinking about it, developing my conclusions a bit more. "Or maybe it isn't. He's an expert on lies and betrayal; you never lie and have never betrayed him. You value him, but not to use him, and you want to save him from himself. You're the only one who's ever done that. His only purely positive role model. So, maybe it isn't so hard to understand, him revering you like that."

"H..How? How can you say that? He's always pushed me aside, abandoned me, he's tried to kill me!"

"And, when necessary, you've tried to kill him. I told you; I've FELT his emotions. That technique allowed us to live his memories, become him and experience everything he did from the inside. He did what he thought he had to; or he tried. He couldn't quite bring himself, even in the heat of the battle, to really kill you. The part of him that values you was too strong; it made him miss, every time he went for a fatal blow. He never decided, I know he told you he did, but he never consciously made a choice. It wasn't that he wanted you to live so much as he was unable to let you die."

**-I'm stopping here because I want you to review. You'll get more Ibiki, and flashbacks that show the stuff from the restaurants (in two, maybe three) chapters when I get some more reviews.- **


	10. Gimme a Sign

A.N. – Thoughts, when not a simple part of the point-of-view will be in italics; including Kyuubi – since the only way the 'talks' is via thought. His, however, will be bold as well as italicized, to differentiate between his thoughts and Naruto's thoughts. PoV changes and flashbacks will be announced in bold.

I HAVE A POLL ON MY PROFILE ABOUT KAKASHI AND IRUKA. VOTE! IT WILL AFFECT THE PLOT!

Warnings: This chapter contains extremely dark material. Bad language. Adult themes. NC-17!

Oh, and _**review please. **_

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I'm just envious of that.

Gimme a Sign

**Naruto's PoV**

_What? How.. I mean he.. didn't he? How? WHEN?_

_**Complete sentences… use your language skills, then I'll know what you are talking about.**_

_That asshole… he.. he…_

_**Yes?**_

_He WORSHIPS me. How the HELL am I supposed to take that? What does it mean? When did it happen? HE can't have … he…_

_**Okay, you're not using sentences AGAIN. I'll just do this the easy way; raid your memories.**_

_You can do that?_

…_**Yeah..**_

_Huh.  
>Wait! Stop distracting me! What do I do about that asshole?<em>

The fox blink a bit, before curling in on himself. _**Well, THAT'S interesting. Oh, and nothing. He admires you for your current behavior and personality; so there is nothing to do. **_

_How am I supposed to take it?_

He shifted; he was a four-legged animal, so he couldn't really shrug._** Take it however you please.**_

_But, then – how, just HOW? How could he have_

_**Tried to kill you? Come so close that even missing you heart, apparently on purpose, you still nearly died? **_The gravelly voice was harsh as he cut off my rambling thoughts. But, he was harsh most of the time I heard him, until very recently; anger was his go-to emotion.

_**It sounds like he was trying to do what a good ninja is supposed to do and failing. Cutting off emotions and doing what is necessary for the mission regardless. You should be pleased; the one who so often calls you a failure is an even bigger failure himself.**_

_That's what you think?_

_**If the torture master is telling the truth, and I think he is, then that is what I **__**know**__**. **_

I was too tall now to swing my legs to use up some of my nervous energy, so I crossed them instead. I stared across the table, more at the wall beside his head than at the scarred face in front of me. "I'm okay now, I've calmed down. Please continue, sir."

He gave a broad grin, one that gave half the chuunin competitors nightmares, and all but rubbed his hands in glee. I was briefly reminded this guy finds torturing people for a living fun - seriously, he made his living torturing people, and thought it was fun! His smiling like that could only mean terrible, terrible things.

"Okay, so we've established if you do this, you'd need to go house-hunting. We've established family is a dirty word to a certain psychotic villain. I think that leads into he obviously does not want to rebuild his clan, and girls are a no-no for obvious reasons." He looked at me. "I know you're straight, and you're going to want sex some time. It is a natural biological imperative. You'd never be able to bring her home, or have kids with her, if you did find some honey willing to put up with being the girl on the side. And, he'd never be able to find out; he'd kill you."

"What?"

"Even if the two of you never did the nasty, if you spoke vows and fidelity was included, breaking them would cost you all that trust that you have through several near-death experiences, won. You'd lose your un-killable status the second he found out."

I blinked. That… made sense, in a creepy, serial killer sort of way. Then again, this was the bastard we are talking about… creepy serial killer does describe how he thinks!

"Hmm. Oh, yeah… He didn't kill Kabuto just to save his life. After taking out the two Madaras, and taking him on, you were looking tired and out of chakra to him. An infinite army of living dead would have killed you; so he killed Kabuto before that could happen."

_How many surprises am I in for? Did I ever really know my jack ass of a friend at all?_

"Want to know how he felt about Orochimaru?"

… _a lot, apparently._ I grabbed some tea, and ordered my demon to stop laughing at me, not that he listened.

"Give me a second to process that last bit. This is going to be a long night, isn't it?"

"If you keep making me stop and wait every time I tell you something you did not expect; yes."

"Thought so." I drank deeply, savoring the surprising choice of lavender and chamomile. He gestured to offer me more and I responded with a slashing motion from my hand. More and I would float away.

"So, about the snake sennin; ready to know?"

I nodded.

"Okay. Well, he made a few very specific demands before he agreed to be the pupil and future vessel of Orochimaru. The obvious was power, but he also asked two questions as tests. One was for the safety of the Leaf village. The other was for protection from the women in Sound."

I snorted at the protection for the village; how could he ever believe Orochimaru would keep that one? But, the other; that one really bothered me. Why would he ask that of the snake creep but not of the Third?

"He knew from past experiences that here in the Leaf, even if he told someone, it did not stop. He also was frequently drugged; the source of his dislike of sweets, I suspect. Being drugged made it impossible for him to defend himself, even once he was old enough to do so. The attacks had slowed down, and became more rare the stronger and more alert he became, so by the time he left, they were rare, but… still happening. So, this was a very key test from Sasuke. The elders of the Leaf had already betrayed his trust in this very specific way. Orochimaru kept it."

_Damn. He was safer with that evil creep than here._

"It was key in earning Sasuke's trust. It was a weak and limited trust, but there was one, nonetheless. Sai broke it."

_Sai? What did Sai do?_

"When he entered the hideout undercover for his mission, he used smuggling information about the Leaf that one would only need for an attack as his cover. And, foolish enough to believe Sasuke was under his thumb, Orochimaru did not even hide his intentions; he bragged about them. His trust, already weak to start with, shattered. Sasuke immediately began planning how to kill him instead of becoming his vessel. It was just a matter of timing after that."

_After all I said, after all the work I put in; the one who saved Sasuke from Orochimaru was… SAI? _

_**Don't get angry, Blondie. At least he did wake up before it was too late.**_

_I guess._

"He also reinforced to Sasuke how important you were, by blowing his cover and refusing to fulfill his assassination mission out of loyalty to you and out of your wishes for Sasuke's safety."

I blinked.

"How much of a surprise would it be that Sasuke's not nearly as much a blood thirsty murderer as the general population thinks he is?"

"Pretty big?" I was guessing it was a good thing I wasn't a cat, and that no one really died of shock; I would be out of lives by now.

"He did not wipe out that village, though his team was responsible, and he did kill some of the people in it. He was only after the spies and lackeys of Orochimaru within the township, but his team went a little overboard and then the local police force caught on and started going after them. One thing led to another, and it was a rather big mess. From what Karen had to say about it during her interrogation, he was more upset at the loss of life than he was at the failure of his team and himself to maintain their ninja hiding skills."

_I knew it! I knew he couldn't have done that! Well, he did sort of do that, but still._

"He could have killed them all without anyone having even seen him or leaving any evidence behind at all, if it was his intention to do so. He had, less than a month previously, knocked out 500 trained soldiers simultaneously using and advanced area of attack version of chidori; one he developed. He also left them alive, although the attack he used could have killed him if he had applied just a bit more chakra. He chose to only knock them unconscious. The villagers there numbered less than that, and were mostly civilians. He did not choose to wipe them off the map; and he could have. He values human life."

Okay, now I had to ask something. I had to! "If he values human life, and he didn't want the Leaf destroyed, why did he believe Madara so easily and agree to attack us?"

"He did not believe easily, or even at first. He pretended to believe, and kept a close watch for an opportunity to betray Madara and free himself. There were a lot of things that worked to win him over, not the least of which was the fact his gripe on his sanity was slipping and Madara was helping to push him further down the slope. The final straw for both his sanity and his remaining Leaf loyalty was Danzo." Now he took a sip of his tea, which had long since cooled. His face revealed nothing, but he was who he was.

"Does he still want to attack the Leaf?"

"No. But, the Elders will never believe that."

"Then what does he want?"

"Honestly, I think he mostly wants to die. Given a chance, and some help to work out his fear, grief, and guilt, and to atone for the wrongs he did do, that will probably change. Right now, he does not believe he deserves the chance. The council sees all his anger and hate for them and for the village, but they do not see that is his shield, to hide his hate for himself."

_**Okay, brat. I knew this would help you! See, he had the answer all along, let the boy die, it is what he wants. How much bigger a sign can you get?**_ Self-satisfaction and smugness oozed from the tailed beast.

I stood abruptly, knocking over the chair in my haste, and ran to the nearest bathroom. Inside, I promptly emptied my stomach of all the ramen, barbeque, and sweets I had eaten during the day, and passed out on the bathroom floor.


	11. mutual exchange 1

Naruto awoke, disoriented, on a tiny, not-so-clean couch. Ibiki, still awake, sat watching him on the only other chair, a cup of steaming tea in one hand, and a pocky stick poking past his lips. The fox container nearly laughed at the disturbing resemblance to Genma; ironic in that the source of the treats Genma chewed was Ibiki, and the treat he now chewed was probably bought for as a gift for Genma rather than for Ibiki himself. He forced himself to focus, and clear his head.

Sasuke. This was about Sasuke, not about crazy interrogators.

Ibiki knew, by facial expression, the boy was awful at hiding things, the moment the blond was ready to continue. He took a sip of his tea, piping hot and very high caffeine, to help wake him. Ginsing, he needed the energy.

"You hit your head pretty hard, kid. Never got to see the fox at work before. Pretty neat. Sit up, and we'll talk some more. I think I'd like to make you pass out again." He smiled, a strange, disturbing smile.

Shuddering, he did so. His shirt had a slight stain, and foul odor. Apparently, Ibiki's level of care only covered picking him up off the floor and putting him on the couch. It did not cover cleaning the puke that got on his shirt when he missed the bowl. He grimaced in distaste, and then ignored it. He'd smelled, and worn, worse. Sasuke.

"So, we've covered the village, the family issue, how he thinks of you, and his value of life. Would you like to know more about his team or about Sasuke and Shikamaru next?"

"Shikamaru?" I was confused.

The torturer smirked. _Okay, maybe doing this here wasn't so bad. I wouldn't get to enjoy all these reactions as much anywhere else… and I really don't get to have this much fun working usually_. "You know about his fan club, right? Shikamaru was, first year of academy, his only male member. He grew out of it, don't know why, haven't asked him and neither did Sasuke. In fact Sasuke isn't sure the Nara boy even knew that he knew… but, Shikamaru's a smart kid. He probably did, and that may have contributed. After all, why chase someone uninterested?"

"Shika…Shikamaru's GAY?" His voice was neither quiet nor overly loud; none of the usual signs of shock, but there was shock in the tones nonetheless.

"Well, since he's currently involved with the Kazekage's sister, I'd assume bisexual or he was just bicurious when he was younger and is straight now. I don't really know, and it isn't my business. Which, speaking of, let's get back to ours, shall we?" His tone did not let that be a question. "Sasuke's response, however… well, he was not attracted to Shikamaru, but the idea of a male lover seemed to interest him. He also liked that despite being a member of the fan club, Shikamaru was not a stalker. He did ask Kakashi some questions about male relationships before he left. I suspect he was after the romantic aspect, to see if men were safer lovers than women had proved to be, however Kakashi only shared the details of basic sex education. I strongly doubt Sasuke needed any form of sex education, as by the time he asked, he has probably had more sex then any of our ninja not assigned to the sexual espionage division."

Naruto blinked.

"For you, this means he might be interested in pursuing an actual relationship with you, if you saved him. Maybe. As you are straight, and I doubt he even knows his sexuality, plus with his trauma, even consensual sex with a male might not be possible… I don't know how that would work. But, you should be prepared for the possibility of him at least trying, even if only once. You should also be prepared for the flack if he isn't capable, due to trauma."

_Damn. I… I never thought about that. I mean, I know Kakashi is… and I have no problems with him, but… _*the image of Sasuke and Sai together, as created by Konahomaru's jutsu flashed before him* _oh, Gods…_

_**Don't worry brat, if it comes down to it, he'll be the receiver. It's not that different and I can teach you all about it.**_

_How would you know anything? You're the only nine tailed fox demon in existence – tailed beasts don't even have sex!_

_**Yes, but I have been inside many hosts, for generations. Remember the Third's wife trained your mother, and then passed me on? Oh, and I was also in your mother, as you know… Well, they weren't the only ones. **_The fox's tone was now angry and bitter._** Those seals and techniques that the whirlpool clan was famous for came from somewhere, you know. They had to learn how to cage us, transfer us, and do it safely for them. I've been a prisoner for a long, long time boy. And I've seen everything all my hosts have seen. Learned all they have learned. I share all their memories.**_

_Oh, Kami, do *NOT* tell me about my parent's sex lives! _The fox just laughed. _Um, why would he be the 'receiver' and what does that mean?_

_**If he pitched, it would be closer to sex with a woman, which is the source of his trauma. So, it is only common sense, not that you have any, that he would rather receive your dick that give you his.**_

_TOO MUCH INFORMATION! _The fox demon laughed harder.

Blushing, Naruto asked Ibiki to continue. He hmm'd a bit, thinking over what else might need saying. "Well, it does go without saying Karin will probably be a problem." Naruto only nodded; even he already knew that much. "But although the water one claims to hate Sasuke, and may in actuality feel just that, I haven't had the chance to interrogate him just yet, his actions are those of a very loyal and devoted follower. His first thought and actions tend towards helping Sasuke. The crazy one, with the split personality?" He gave a searching look to Naruto, who responded with a slight nod. Yes, he knew who that was. Ibiki's head jerked in kind, and he continued.

"In Sasuke's interrogation it came out that his other personality was uncontrolled by Juugo, and that Orochimaru used his blood to create the curse marks. Sasuke has control over Juugo's transformations to a degree no one else has previously achieved. In fact, Juugo is now stable unless commanded to transform by Sasuke or unless he sees Sasuke in mortal peril, and even then has some level of control over his inner beast. This was never possible before."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Naruto queried.

"It means that Juugo may be able to be rehabilitated; something he could not have been otherwise, but only if Sasuke is saved. If he is killed, Juugo will have to be as well, and before Sasuke is executed. Juugo's rehabilitation cannot even begin being speculated upon until Sasuke's fate is decided."

_Great. Another life weighing in the balance, hanging on my decision. _Naruto snorted to himself, uncharacteristically bitter. _**You wanted to know what you did not already know so you could choose wisely, did you not?**__ Yeah, yeah, yeah… I get it. I asked, I know. Shut it, you stupid fox!_ "What happens to his team if they are rehabilitated?" Naruto asked, mind reeling.

"Ideally, they'd be placed on probation with teams of our shinobi. After a few years of proving themselves, they'd be able to join our ranks fully, as valued members of the Leaf village. Ideally. But, what the Hokage will want to do, what the Elders and the council will allow her to do; those are things I cannot truly predict."

"I understand." He knew, from past experiences, the Elders could be evil bastards when they wanted to be. He also knew when it came to Sasuke and him, they always seemed to want to be.

"And, finally, there's the village. Not everyone would be happy to see him back, either ninja or civilian. Some would be, just not everyone. So, he'd need protection round he clock until the village accepted him or something might happen. Either some idiot would throw fruit at him and he'd lose it, or someone might actually be idiotic enough to try killing him, or a very wide range in between of cluster fucks to watch for."

_That's what we've been polling for – so that we knew. **He knows you've been polling, just not what asked and what learned, Brat. He didn't know you knew.**_ "What would happen if someone set him off? I thought you said he valued life and stopped killings, and was no longer after the destruction of the Leaf?"

"I did, he does, he did, and he isn't." Naruto looked momentarily confused. Ibiki just smirked. "But, he also is still very much afraid of the villagers, especially the females, and who knows how dangerous he might be if threatened. His chakra's already bound, his eyes sealed, so his defenses are limited. That likely puts him into a cornered animal frame of mind, fight or flight and constantly on the defensive."

"Now, how about that scroll of yours?"


End file.
